My first blog

28 february 2012:

Here we go again.. I’m lost, I just don’t  know anything anymore .
The rug was swept from underneath my feet, vanished into thin air.
What stayed is emptiness and nothing to hold unto.
This time I can hold this feeling with love, but I remember the first time this happened, about three and a half years ago. A couple of months before I started my lessons Universal Awareness. Totally in panic I called my spiritual teacher. Sobbing I told him that I just didn’t know anything anymore, that I didn’t know how to move on, that I didn’t know which of my memories were still true, that I didn’t know what I wanted anymore, let alone what I was supposed to do.
All that time my teacher was listening quietly.

When I was done raging, he said very peacefully: “How nice, I am so happy for you!”

That turned my world even more upside down, because something I wanted to get rid off as soon as possible, something I didn’t want to feel one second longer, was suddenly turned into something beautiful!
After that first time I have come to experience that these times without a rug underneath my feet, the times of not knowing anything anymore, are not so bad after all. On the contrary, they often proceed big transformations. Transformations into living more from just being.
This time there is no panic, but acceptation, even though it feels like parachute jumping without parachute! I don’t know if there will be a soft landing, I don’t know if there will be a big cushion for me, but it all doesn’t matter.
This time I have faith!

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